I feel a tad back logged with the blog, so I'll start where I left off. After I started this blog, and a discussion with a professor or two, I decided to apply for graduate school. I sent out five applications and recently had an interview with one. It was a frightening process. I kept asking myself "Is this ok?", "Does this make sense?", "Is my essay good enough?". I felt so under prepared for everything but I seemed to get everything in on time. Now it's just a waiting game.
Since last fall I've been working on a series of photographs. I wanted to deal with discomfort on many levels. First I wanted the viewer to be uncomfortable. Next I wanted my model to be uncomfortable. Finally, and rather surprisingly, I, myself was uncomfortable. I took portraits of fellow classmates crying. Yes, crying.
Now, a magician is never supposed to reveal his secrets. Good thing I'm not a magician, loose lips sink ships and all that. I used menthol, rubbed under the eyes, to induce tears. The effects were interesting to watch. My models got bright red, their eyes became bloodshot, and their noses became stuffy or started to run; all the classic symptoms of crying. Another curious effect was, each model said it felt as though they had just actually cried, emotionally. Some said they felt the release that sometimes follows a good cry, while others said they felt physically and mentally drained. Having also participated, I'd have to agree.
It was hard seeing my friends that I knew as generally happy people, crying. Though the most uncomfortable aspect was that it was hardest watching the males cry. This got me thinking about how our society views men as the strong, dominate forces, while women are the weak, vulnerable ones. I want to continue playing off these gender rolls, by switching what our society deems as the acceptable traits.
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