Chugging along.

Since the cadets flaked out on me, I've been shooting pretty much any male that will let me torture them with menthol. First, I reshot someone who first participated in this series this past fall. Then I shot a guy with really amazing dreads but I'm just realizing I used a different directional light, which means I'll either have to incorporate it into some others or reshoot him. I was playing with these first two photos, trying to decide between color and black and white. I still haven't come to a decision on which I like better.

Next I started shooting a few guys and asking them questions on video. I'm not 100% on how I'll incorporate the video/audio into my project but I'm rather excited about how things are turning out. I asked them how society dictates how men should show emotion, how they feel men should be able to show emotion, and finally, afterwards how the experience made them feel. I'm getting some really interesting responses and I'm falling in love with this project again.

Since I haven't come to a conclusion about color I haven't played too much with the most current portraits. I really love how they turned out. I'm going to be shooting a few more guys in the next few days and I can't wait to bring it all together.

Catharsis

Something that I love doing on my downtime, just to relax and get caught up in the tediousness is making these really graphic digital "paintings". I first started experimenting with it last year. I took a reference picture, traced over the main lines and then layer by tedious layer I added the color and shading.

A scene from a computer art project.

I loved the way that it turned out for a computer art project so I moved on to portraits. There's something really cathartic about building up the layers and challenging myself with the many differences in facial features and in the case below, tattoos.

Band: Motionless in White

I just recently went on a trip to Florida, it was relaxing and nice to recharge. While there my friend and I went to a Renaissance Festival. Below is an in progress shot of one of these "paintings".

There's still so much that I have to do on this picture but I really love the energy. I can't wait to post the final product.

I'm interested in how digital media is becoming more common in the art world. Photography and computer art as fields have changed so quickly in such little time, while other mediums have been the same since nearly conception. I like pushing the capabilities and ideas of both photography and computer art. I embrace their nature but want to push my viewer to see them as equals with the likes of painters.

Frustration!

My excitement about being able to photograph the cadets has been replaced with frustration and a lot of disappointment. I forgot to get their contact information so I had the Major let them know that I can actually do my project. Well, that was a bit over a week ago and not a single cadet has contacted me. I just need to keep telling myself that I really do love working with people and keep working on my back up plan.

A common thread?

As I was putting my portfolio together for graduate school applications I realized a couple things. First, I'm a terrible self critic. I kept saying, "Amber, what the hell were you thinking when you shot this?", "What is this garbage?", and "Ok, this one isn't SO bad." But once I got over the rhetoric the devil on my shoulder was spouting, I finally saw the common thread that weaves through all my work: Vulnerability. Be it my self portraits in a previous post, the crying portraits or even the portraits I took in my friends' bedrooms, they all seem so vulnerable and almost mentally broken.

Spencer Spring 2011

Stephanie Spring 2011

Samantha Spring 2011

Our bedrooms are such private areas. They offer us solace for anything that really brings us down. One can shut the door and effectively shut out the real world. It's a place where we can just let pretenses down. I decided to shoot my friends in their bedrooms. I was shocked at how vulnerable they all came across in the photos. I kept looking through them and noticed that each person is holding something in front of them; almost as if to protect themselves from my lens. Some held objects like teddybears and pillows, while others positioned their legs in front of their body.

The frame behind each person has that picture superimposed into it. It symbolizes the on going personal struggle that each of us goes through. A true self in a sense, an emotion that we keep to ourselves.

Ryan Spring 2011

Amy Spring 2011

Katelyn Spring 2011

I used a mix of color and black and white because logistically some looked better one way or the other. Some criticism I've received was to use a wider range of ages but for me I feel like as college students, so much is changing so quickly. As a college student myself, it's a scary time. You're unsure of yourself and the world around you. Maybe it's because I can't relate to someone who is older than me, though I think this would be interesting with young children. Maybe I'll pursue that idea soon.

Let the games begin!

I got the most exciting email this morning. I get to make the cadets cry! Let the games begins! Expect photos in the very near future!

Still waiting.

Time for some fun! I've been working on a lot of self portraits for two years now. It's convenient and I can always rely on myself. Last year I worked on a couple different series, this blog will be focusing on one of them. The following series focused on how the media controls how we see ourselves. I did four mini series within the larger whole.

Here I focused on a tape measure and how the pressures of being thin strangle some people.

Here I focus on the idea of plastic surgery, how media makes us all strive for "perfection".

Here I focused on a product that is supposed to bring out our beauty, instead of relying on natural beauty.

Here I focused on how no one is happy with what they are born with. We are always hiding behind something fake, in this case a blonde nylon wig.

It was really uncomfortable at first to put myself in such a vulnerable position. I've always had body image issues. I always felt like I wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, I thought I wasn't ideal. So I said, "Screw your comfort, just do it" and I'm glad I did. I was able to confront everything that had ever made me feel unworthy and tell it where exactly I thought it should go. Through this project I learned that I shouldn't care about what the media says, only I matter. It was a real growing experience.

A few other things need to be addressed during this post. First I got my first acceptance and rejection letters to graduate school, only hours apart. My professor says that in our field rejection is normal, that it doesn't mean anything about you as an artist. Thank goodness I spoke with her before applying because I was strangely ok with being rejected. I didn't want to have to deal with the lake effect snow anyway, Buffalo! However, I was super excited when I got the acceptance email from a school in, drum roll please, Ireland. So, while I'm still waiting for three schools to get back to me, I know I'm going to grad school. It's a huge relief.

Now for a quick update on my cadet crying series. I called the Major just to see if he had actually forwarded my proposal to the Public Affairs Office. He has and in the next day or so will be calling to check on it's progress. Here's hoping, (Crosses every body part possible).