Its show time!

This semester I have been working on my BFA senior solo exhibition. It's been a roller coaster of ups and downs. First I had to get permission to photograph the ROTC cadets for my project. Then they all decide to wimp out on me at the last second. I pulled it together though and shot some amazing portraits. 

Artist statement:  Our bodies produce tears to lubricate our eyes, to protect them from foreign substances, and to alleviate emotional stress. Sometimes tears are happy, while other times they are painful or sad. Crying is viewed by today’s society, generally, as feminine in nature. Men are supposed to be strong in contrast to this so called weak, vulnerability that women can so freely express. This philosophy heavily influenced the creation of “The Production of Tears”. This series explores the act of men crying from boyhood to adulthood. The photos capture the vulnerability that comes with crying and evoke a strong viewer response. Does seeing a man cry make them look weak or strong? 

Time sure flies. I started my undergraduate degree 5 years ago and it's coming to an end next Saturday. I'll be graduating with my BFA in Photography. So much blood, sweat and tears have been shed and I can't believe it's coming to a close. It's frightening and exciting all at the same time. I'll be attending Maryland Institute College of Art in the fall to attain my MFA. Exciting things are in my future!

A proud moment

When I found out I was accepted into Millersville University's Art program, I wasn't sure I was going to attend; I had my heart set on another school. MU offered a weekend where the prospective new freshmen had the chance to tour and hear faculty give presentations about their classes. Boring science speech after boring math speech, FINALLY an art professor stepped up to the podium and I was hooked. Professor Ben Cunningham and his class in Public Art was the reason I chose Millersville University for my undergraduate degree. As my luck would have it they had not offered it in the five years I attended MU and I NEEDED this class. So I talked to the chair of the department and Ben and filled out paper work for an indpendent study. We were uncertain at first if it would be approved but a couple weeks before classes started I found out that it was a go.

In his "class" I had the chance to really take on my own subject matter, medium, and message in a public domain. I chose to take on my generation's casualty with sex and HIV. I did a lot of research on the disease, the medicine, and the statistics. So many people my age think that, because HIV and AIDS rates are decreasing, that it's nearly impossible to contract HIV. Wrong. Sure the rates for newly infected persons with HIV are decreasing as a whole, but in fact, the CDC reports, they are increasing in people 15-24 years of age.

I designed several different pieces trying to come up with the best means to catch college students' attention. I settled on simple, clean postcards. Postcards are a metaphor for the communicable aspect of the disease. Each person who touches these postcards are in effect touching each individual that touched it previously; just like sex partners are essentially having sex with all of the former partners of their current bedfellow.

Front view: "You've just been infected."

The back features stats and a facebook link

One thing I wanted to achieve was a way of tracking just how many of my postcards reached my target audience. After some debate I decided to self address (blurred for privacy) and pre-stamp 100 postcards. Another problem I faced was how to distribute the postcards anonymously. You can't tell if an individual (or yourself) has HIV just by looking, so I wanted to play on that. After bouncing ideas around, long after the class ended, we came up with the school newspaper. I contacted the editor and he agreed to personally stuff my postcards into 100 issues of the paper.

The first returned postcard

I received my first, of hopefully many, returned postcards today. It was a very proud, exciting, and thrilling moment for me. My project was a success. Even if this is the only postcard that makes it's way back to me, I have reached at least one person. Maybe that one person will think deeper and choose to practice safe sex, if they aren't already, in the future.

Chugging along.

Since the cadets flaked out on me, I've been shooting pretty much any male that will let me torture them with menthol. First, I reshot someone who first participated in this series this past fall. Then I shot a guy with really amazing dreads but I'm just realizing I used a different directional light, which means I'll either have to incorporate it into some others or reshoot him. I was playing with these first two photos, trying to decide between color and black and white. I still haven't come to a decision on which I like better.

Next I started shooting a few guys and asking them questions on video. I'm not 100% on how I'll incorporate the video/audio into my project but I'm rather excited about how things are turning out. I asked them how society dictates how men should show emotion, how they feel men should be able to show emotion, and finally, afterwards how the experience made them feel. I'm getting some really interesting responses and I'm falling in love with this project again.

Since I haven't come to a conclusion about color I haven't played too much with the most current portraits. I really love how they turned out. I'm going to be shooting a few more guys in the next few days and I can't wait to bring it all together.

Catharsis

Something that I love doing on my downtime, just to relax and get caught up in the tediousness is making these really graphic digital "paintings". I first started experimenting with it last year. I took a reference picture, traced over the main lines and then layer by tedious layer I added the color and shading.

A scene from a computer art project.

I loved the way that it turned out for a computer art project so I moved on to portraits. There's something really cathartic about building up the layers and challenging myself with the many differences in facial features and in the case below, tattoos.

Band: Motionless in White

I just recently went on a trip to Florida, it was relaxing and nice to recharge. While there my friend and I went to a Renaissance Festival. Below is an in progress shot of one of these "paintings".

There's still so much that I have to do on this picture but I really love the energy. I can't wait to post the final product.

I'm interested in how digital media is becoming more common in the art world. Photography and computer art as fields have changed so quickly in such little time, while other mediums have been the same since nearly conception. I like pushing the capabilities and ideas of both photography and computer art. I embrace their nature but want to push my viewer to see them as equals with the likes of painters.

Frustration!

My excitement about being able to photograph the cadets has been replaced with frustration and a lot of disappointment. I forgot to get their contact information so I had the Major let them know that I can actually do my project. Well, that was a bit over a week ago and not a single cadet has contacted me. I just need to keep telling myself that I really do love working with people and keep working on my back up plan.

A common thread?

As I was putting my portfolio together for graduate school applications I realized a couple things. First, I'm a terrible self critic. I kept saying, "Amber, what the hell were you thinking when you shot this?", "What is this garbage?", and "Ok, this one isn't SO bad." But once I got over the rhetoric the devil on my shoulder was spouting, I finally saw the common thread that weaves through all my work: Vulnerability. Be it my self portraits in a previous post, the crying portraits or even the portraits I took in my friends' bedrooms, they all seem so vulnerable and almost mentally broken.

Spencer Spring 2011

Stephanie Spring 2011

Samantha Spring 2011

Our bedrooms are such private areas. They offer us solace for anything that really brings us down. One can shut the door and effectively shut out the real world. It's a place where we can just let pretenses down. I decided to shoot my friends in their bedrooms. I was shocked at how vulnerable they all came across in the photos. I kept looking through them and noticed that each person is holding something in front of them; almost as if to protect themselves from my lens. Some held objects like teddybears and pillows, while others positioned their legs in front of their body.

The frame behind each person has that picture superimposed into it. It symbolizes the on going personal struggle that each of us goes through. A true self in a sense, an emotion that we keep to ourselves.

Ryan Spring 2011

Amy Spring 2011

Katelyn Spring 2011

I used a mix of color and black and white because logistically some looked better one way or the other. Some criticism I've received was to use a wider range of ages but for me I feel like as college students, so much is changing so quickly. As a college student myself, it's a scary time. You're unsure of yourself and the world around you. Maybe it's because I can't relate to someone who is older than me, though I think this would be interesting with young children. Maybe I'll pursue that idea soon.

Let the games begin!

I got the most exciting email this morning. I get to make the cadets cry! Let the games begins! Expect photos in the very near future!